Dedication

dancing Elmo

Poem from Ivan:

Always and forever
I have got your back
always and forever
I am still here for you
I will never leave you in the dirt
and I wont treat you like crap
when you need a shoulder to cry on
I am here through it all
I am your friend
so all ya gotta do is "holla"
and i will help keep your world from coming to an end


Cute Elmo

I have been doing a lot of thinking bout what my friends been talking aabout meeeee..am I really that bad person where people tend to talk alot? I have been thinking maybe I do not deserve to hang out in the crowd where I usually hang out..sometimes I dont even know who is true who is fake..so many dishonesty has been going around ;( tired of being nice to people..

speaking of nice..I have been wondering abt someone told me " awak ni tak ada belas kasihan langsung. Tak ada perasan langsung". Maybe he was rite..I admit after being dumped long time ago..I suddenly being cold-blooded and incompassionate. I hate to being able to open up to people again after everything bad has happend in my life. When you start to open up again, you feel love..and opening to love is like an invitation for more pain :( I am totally scared really scare.. I have been trying to be careful and build up a shield to protect myself from being hurt..stick more precautions before any bad things happenning again..

some people may think losing their pride a bit may help them to achieve in what-so-ever things they want to do but for how long? You need to have your pride as well..You can't simply being nice and follow whatever instructions that been given..you need to stand up to urself..I am tired of being nice..I am tired of losing my pride..I am tired of following people instructions but none of mine be followed..pity me sometimes..I had to comfort people all the time but they never intend to think about me! I had to "be there" almost for everyone but none of them "be there" for me. At the end of the day, I am the one who suffer most from the consequences. I had to mend my hearts for so many times and I am tired of doing that. I have feelings too..and my feelings are fragile. It cannot be bought or sell. It hurts my heart and no one was there to help me mend it.

I know some of my friends will hate me after reading this but ever since they knew me, they never pay attentions on what I want to say. They keep on using my for their own goods. Well sometimes I just wish them to Kiss my Arse..arghh..Befriending wit me just to gain something that I dont even know sometimes..Why be such a pretender? Why cant be yourself? for 4 years I have suffered from all the actions they have done to me and they never had the intentions to try to make it better instead by making it worse. why cant they have a "heart" like everybodyelse? I know I can be vindicated sometimes but why? why being so pretentious and selfish to me?? I have been asking the question all the times and till now I cudnt find the answer?

but nevertheless, some of them are very nice to me. Not just nice..Awesome man! being there for me without asking any returns are the best quality of human-being anyone cannot offer. Their attentions and care-giving are superb. Marlini Rashid, Olivia Thomas, Christy Ngeow, Kam Weng Yuen and Ivan Hugh Gordon. These people have been through ups and down, joy and sorrow wit me since the beginning of our friendship. We laugh, we cry, we scream, partying and laughing just for nothing and the just a blast. Hanging around wit them are just the best!
I have met new people who I think they are kewl.. to name a few: Chip, Sofia, Ayu (dun worry even tho I dont put your names down here, Your name will always stay forever in my heart *wink* ) I feel ease whenever they are around which I think pretty awesome!!

dedicated to them:

Good friends are hard to find.
Good friends are easy to love.
Good friends are presents that
Last forever and that feel
Like gifts from above

Good friends are lives overlapping.
Good friends are laughter and tears.
Good friends are emotions so deep
That the trust just keeps growing over the years.

Good friends are hard to find.
Good friends are easy to adore.
And you've been such a good friend to me...
that I could ask for nothing more.

at Rebecca's HSE


At Oli's Place

*4 dayz to go