am actually trying really hard to start blogging today. normally i wud write continously without stopping but today I feel so emotional down. I feel so down that I feel i want to fly home and dont want to come back anymore. I know i shudnt be running away from things but i guess as always being me (too sensitive) i ended up feeling sorry for myself.
over the weekend i received 3 straight bad news. was trying to accept the first bad news then later i received 2 bad news at the same time. I was frustated and burst to tears. and then the bad news continuosly happening. first bad news my current boss is no longer work at the place. the boss whom i really respect and she is not just the boss, she is also my good friend well more like my sister. she taught me everything i ought to know. when she told me she's not coming back to work, i was shocked and dissapointed and sad.. really sad that there were no words to express how i feel.
the second bad news, the kid whom i really really love and adore and whom i have been treating him like a brother just lost his place to live. not because his anty didnt want him but because he has been lying continously to his anty and his anty has been sacrificing everything she has just to raise him. when he lied again again last weekend, his anty decided, thats it no more turning back. so his anty told me that she does not want him bck. i burst to tears when i heard because the first thing that came out from my mind was that "where is he going to live"? honestly i totally object if he's going back to his parents house as his father used to beat him alot...he even ended up in the hospital. BUT my worst nightmate came true. now he is ended up staying at his parents for a while until further notice where will he be going next.
the third news was that another kid whom i really enjoy having got fostered. so he is now being foster by a zimbawwe family. knowing his past i am happy for him but deep down i do miss him bcoz i enjoy talking to him and hanging out with him even tho he can be as aggressive as another typical 11 year old. now he's gone i am so crushed.
after my current boss left, ive been taking over the school hols programme. i never complaint for the things i am told to do but bcoz my emotions are still tied up and easily break, even the smallest things that happend made me burst to tears. e.g a kid who is u nder my supervision ran away last nite at 7pm in nite and normally i wudnt cry or anything coz i knew he always runs away and he likes running and jumping over the fence but like i sed my emotions are still fragile, i burst to tears after i catched him running on the field. I know its stupid but when you are emotionally down, even small things can trigger the tears. then after that kid was sorted out, i had to give another kid a bath. normally i wudnt cry if the bathroom flooded but bcoz i am still fragile, i cried like a stupid gurl who lost her barbie doll. I dont know why but everything seems to be falling apart. there are also other things (which i dont want to mention here) have made me burst to tears yesterday. i ended up crying to my friends and my co-worker last nite.
I tried to stay happy and smile all the times but i just cant do it. THe kid (who jz went bck to his parents' hse) always like to piss me off and we always fight even on stupid things all the times. but like today i know he didnt do it on purpose, but he accidently pinched me on my arm when we were talking in the car and the tears were easily out from my eyes. i cried just bcoz i got pinched and it wasnt that hard but because i am still emotionally down, even small things can made me cry. honestly today i was thnking not to stay at work and felt like going home and sleep and when i wake up the next day i can just think everything was just a bad dream. but i guess the reality is always going to be like that. accepting the reality because thats what the life really are.
i dont know abt the future but as far as i concern i am still emotionally tied down and even small things can triggers the big things...i am jz not ready for anther bad news..seriously
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